When it comes to major holidays, I am a conservative, a stickler for upholding family traditions.
Thanksgiving is a simple but major holiday.With no gifts expected, it is low stress. It was declared a holiday by the esteemed President Lincoln.
Our Thanksgiving tradition calls for as much of the family as available to gather at out house for a fulsome Thanksgiving meal. Depending on the crowd, after the meal we may watch a lot of football, go outside for some air, play a little softball, or debate current affairs. Late afternoon naps followed by reconvening for pie and tea or coffee are not uncommon. Our house can handle large numbers of Thanksgivers.
I like it that way. The food is always good. Until a few years ago, when eating a large meal began to interfere with my Parkinson’s medication, I would have told you Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday.
BUT I am not unreasonable. If changed facts render traditions obsolete or if traditions conflict, I sanction departures from tradition. This was such a year.
My first grandchild–Charlotte–became 5 years old on Thanksgiving.
When each of our two daughters were five, my wife Diane and I took them to Disney World; AT 5 YEARS OF AGE THE MAGIC IS REAL. Hence we faced a conflict in traditions. Diane was determined to join Charlotte and her parents at Disney, but something had to be done with me.It was not feasible for me to go to Disney without slowing them down. I was first diagnosed with Parkinson’S over 17 tears . I last went To Disney in 2000, and even then I had to lie down on a cot in the first aid department. We could have decided I was taking a ” staycation” and allowed me to fend for myself. But my feast would probably have been a HUNGRY MAN TURKEY dinner. More important, I might sustain falls or periods of immobility due to my Parkinson’s and have no horses or men to put me together again or help me get up.
So i agreed to Diane’s plan to visit my younger brother while she hurried off to see Disney princesses with our granddaughter.
Brian’s place is a good place to relax with acres of mountain and woods and a lake.It is so isolated –about 40 miles north of Winston-Salem –you cannot get a pizza delivered, which limits my stay to about a week. Brian assumes I do not need help,but he is willing to help when asked. That suits me.
Brian’s place is not one of full schedules and constant activity. it is a place for life coaching, retreats,reading, mentoring, meditation and hikes and body work.It is a place for star-filled skies and beautiful sunsets.
\
\On the drive from the airport Brian and I discussed my visit.i said my minimal objective was to avoid any damaging falls.I had fallen at home and hurt my head just the day before, so the goal was not a slam dunk. Brian said he had something bigger in mind–like getting substantially better. I replied–I would be up for that.
When we got to his place, Brian helped me organize my pills and showed me my room, which I shared with his black cat HENRY.HENRY—Brian always says –is a good boy. 
The next morning I awoke with a song lyric on my mind. It was from the song–I made it through the rain–and spoke of protecting my world, being respected and preserving my point of view. Brian proposed that that was significant and worthy of teasing out. Brian suggested later that I self-identify as a family man, protecting or supporting them, and that i want to feel respected and despite my illness preserve my ideas or point of view. That strikes me as spot on. My identity is summed up in a Barry Manilow song–how funny is that?
During prior periods of my life ,Brian said, my identity may have been more as a rebel or dc lawyer, but now i am first and foremost a family man .I have just learned that my daughter Laura is expecting her second girl in June. YEA . I LOVE GIRLS.I am 5 for 5 –2 daughters 3 granddaughters.
We also discussed the importance of sleep and exercise and body awareness and being present.Brian is way ahead of me on this–he said he had been working on much of this for 20 years.
Though unbidden, i unveiled my latest hobby on Brian and Marika–singing with people from around the world. i love it. GLOBAL KARAOKE IS COOL. I explained that my favorite singing partners are Jonathan from England and Yappie from jAPAN. Global Karaoke reflects the connectiveness of individuals.
Brian and I discussed the ability of human man to observe and to some extent control their brains. Examples abound in terms of neurobiological feedback, the imaging of brains of pd patients showing physiological changes from placebos, the control people can learn to exercise over the flee or fight instinct, and free will. I believe that slower deliberate well thought through movements can eliminate my falls.
Brian, Marika and I got together a few times to read and discuss Walt Whitman’s Passage to India. WhItman identifies the circumnavigation of the earth as man’s probationary period fulfilled. Distance can no longer defeat us. Over time there will be an end to distinctions that divide us.
WAlt Whitman celebrated the engineers, the ship builders, the adventurers who brought about this unification. He also celebrated the more primitive belief systems and practices that made up prior cultures. He believed they would form a unified coherent whole in the hands of the TRUE POET, AKA TRUE SON OF GOD. Man and nature will forever be fused. Eventually a man’s consciousness could exceed the world and encompass the universe.
I POINTED OUT THAT WE were witnesses to a fundamental paradigm shift–information is at everYone’s fingertips. It is cheap and accessible. It is no longer the PRESERVE of unelected elites.Information is diffuse. The connectedness brought about by the internet and email, facebook twitter etc may engender wars or democracies
Our older brother brad offered me the use of his private jet and pilots to facilitate my trip. Brad also encouraged our mother to attend. ALTHOUGH AT 86 she has her share of health problems, she is my nature a care giver,having raised 3 sons—all still alive and remarkably accomplished and 4 GENERATIONS OF long-lived minature poodles Her fourth poodle had recently died.She does not want another dog, so she came to help me if needed.
Also in attendance for part of the week was Kt, who had a good pool table at his house nearby.KT is a therapist or counseler trained in neural linguistic programming and a good friend of brian’s as well as a photographer devoted to the female human form. And ThanKsgiving day BRIAN PICKED UP MARTA, HIS MOTHER IN LAW. She was staying nearby for a few days.
Thanksgiving comes
Just like the WHOS OF WHOVILLE LIKED TO FOLLOW TRADITIONS OF CHRISTMAS,I TOO WANTED A TRADITIONAL HOLIDAY. BUT WHETHER OR NOT WE HAD STRAWBERRY JELLO WITH CREAM CHEESE, THANKSGIVING WAS COMING.
BRIAN HAD THE TWO CENTRAL ROLES–HOST AND COOK. HE SET THE TIME FOR T-HOUR AT 1400.We stood , held hands and said what we were thankful for.The dinner was delicious and quickly consumed.We said we’d wait on pie.
About 20-30 minutes after dinner was over, Brian and Marika surprised me by announcing they were asking a nap . I FELT RESPONSIBLE FOR ENTERTAINING MOM AND MARTA. I LISTENED TO EACH OF THEM LONG TO REALIZE THAT THERE WAS NO COMMUNICATION GOING ON. MOM COULD NOT HEAR A WORD AND WAS ESSENTIALLY RECITING A s soliloquy ABOUT WESLEY NEEDING SURGERY, AND JACK BEATING HIS MOTHER IN SCRABBLE AND SAYING HE’S COMING FOR UNCLE JEFF.
MARTA WAS TELLING THE ROOM ABOUT HER RECENT TRIP TO TRANSYLVANIA. SHE SAID HER MOTHER WAS AN ARISTOCRAT BUT MARRIED BENEATH HERSELF,A COMMON PHD. BUT THE PEOPLE STILL LIVING IN THE AREA TREATED MARTA ROYALLY.IAN
I PLAYED RECORDINGS OF MY KARAOKE FOR THEM BOTH, AND GOT THEM BOTH TO SING. I TEASED MOM ABOUT A SINGER IN NY LIKING HER SINGING, AND SHE GIGGLED LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL.I PERFORMED A SPECIAL VERSION OF YOUR SONG FOR MOM.MOM AND I PLAYED SOME SCRABBLE–BUT I THOUGHT MOM CARED MORE ABOUT WINNING THAN USUAL–POSSIBLY BECAUSE OF MARTA ‘S PRESENCE .BUT I WON ANYWAY.
I EXPLORED WITH MARTA HER RELATIONSHIP WITH BRIAN . IT WAS EXCELLENT. BUT IT WAS NOT ALWAYS SO. WHEN MARTA GOT TO PEAKS ISLAND FOR THEIR WEDDING weeK MARTA SPENT 3 DAYS SCOURING PORTLAND STORES FOR SUITABLE SHOES–WHICH SHE DEFINED AS WHITE PUMPS. AFTER HEARING ABOUT THIS FOR 3 DAYS, BRIAN WENT UP TO MARTA AND IN HIS MOST FIRM MANNER SAID-‘ MARTA, THATS ENOUGH.’ MARTA SAID SHE WAS FRIGHTENED BY HIS INTENSITY. MORE RECENTLY, WHEN DISCUSSING THE EXTENT TO WHICH THEY WOULD SUPPORT MARTA’S MAKING HER HOME NEAR THEM,IT WAS CLEAR THEY DID NOT WANT MARTA TO HAVE A DOG -HENRY WAS AGAINST IT. AND THEY DID NOT WANT TO WALK OR BABYSIT A DOG. MARTA AGREED. FAST FORWARD A FEW YEARS –MARTA LEARNS SHE HAS STAGE ONE CANCER IN ONE KIDNEY BUT SHE REFUSES THE STRAIGHTFORWARD SURGERY CALLED FOR. BRIAN OFFERS VARIOUS INDUCEMENTS BUT MARTA HOLDS FIRM UNTIL BRIAN SAYS–HOW BOUT A DOG? THE DEAL IS STRUCK–MARTA GETS SUCCESSFUL SURGERY AND NAMES THE DOG AFTER HER DOCTOR,
AFTER A COUPLE HOURS OF NAP, THE HOSTS EMERGED AND OFFERED TO DRIVE MARTA BACK TO HER DOG,JACK–WHO HADN’T EATEN.
THERE ARE THREE OTHER INCIDENTS WORTH MENTIONING. I PLAYED POOL AT KTS HOUSE AND WON. KT HAS A HOUSE FULL OF portraits of WOMAN WHO POSED nUDE OR PARTIALLY NUDE FOR HIM.AS I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE MISINTERPRETED, BEFORE I BROKE I ANNOUNCED THAT “ANY REFERENCE TO A TIGHT OR LOOSE RACK ON MY PART SHOULD BE UNDERSTOOD AS REFERRING EXCLUSIVELY TO THE POOL GAME.”
SECOND, THE SHOWER AS I WAS TO USE WAS IN HENRY’S BATHROOM. I WENT A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE SHOWERING BUT THEN DECIDED TO TRY. AT LEAST 5 SPIDERS TRIED TO ATTACK ME. I GOT BRIAN TO ELIMINATE THE MONSTERS, ALTHOUGH MARIKA AND MARTA BOTH OPPOSE KILLING SPIDERS. THE NEXT SHOWER I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE CLEAR TIL A VERY LARGE ONE STARTING TEARING ACROSS THE SHOWER STRAIGHT FOR ME. I GOT MY SHOE AND DISPATCHED HIM TO SPIDER HEAVEN.
THE MOST SERIOUS INCIDENT OF THE WEEK OCCURRED ON SATURDAY –THE DY BEFORE GOING HOME. I HAD BEEN IN MY DOWNSTAIRS ORGANIZING MY STUFF. I WENT UPSTAIRS AND SEE MOM SITTING IN THE FRONT PARLOR READING. THE FRONT DOOR IS WIDE OPEN . WHAT’S GOING ON I SAY. MARIKA SAYS A BURNER ON THE GAS STOVE WAS ON WITHOUT FLAME–GAS HAD BEEN COMING INTO THE ROOM FOR WH KNOWS HOW LONG. I WENT OUTSIDE T THE PORCH. I YELLED TO MOM TO COME OUTSIDE BUT SHE SAID SHE WAS OKAY/. I SAID TO MARIKA—DONT LET MOM GO TO SLEEP.THE LADIES WERE COOL ABOUT THE GAS LEAK. I WAS NOT.
BUT. all in all, IT WAS A GREAT WEEK .I thank everyone who made it happen. DIANE LOVED HER TRIP TO DISNEY WITH CHARLOTTE BUT NOW HAS A BAD COLD.
The Owl of Minerva 